MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card
9. Reinsert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and reenter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of chequebook.
18. Recheck makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake
Monday, November 30, 2009
15 GOOD REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED IN OFFICES
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It reduces accidents caused by bar-hoping and encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look and sound better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up thus helps the company cut down on excessive employees such as the tea girl.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It reduces accidents caused by bar-hoping and encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look and sound better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up thus helps the company cut down on excessive employees such as the tea girl.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Black Man's Prayer...
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Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Another Day Another .50 cents
Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!
Signboard outside a prostitute's house:Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...
New AIDS awareness slogan:Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.
Why is $ex like shaving?Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll have to do it again...
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.
Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!
Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless laterAdvantages of having an affair with a married woman.They give like hell.They do not yell.They do not tell.They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!
My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise .
Why?Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!
Signboard outside a prostitute's house:Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...
New AIDS awareness slogan:Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.
Why is $ex like shaving?Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll have to do it again...
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.
Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!
Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless laterAdvantages of having an affair with a married woman.They give like hell.They do not yell.They do not tell.They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!
My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise .
Why?Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
USA 2- Spain 0
USA 2- Spain 0 that was shoking defeat to the spanish !
who would have thought about that moreso we are waiting on the final against Brazil..
My Money is on Brazil...
Micheal Jackson is dead this YES for REAL.
At the age 50,
Enuff said TGIF...
who would have thought about that moreso we are waiting on the final against Brazil..
My Money is on Brazil...
Micheal Jackson is dead this YES for REAL.
At the age 50,
I feel so BAD. I want to SCREAM. It's like I lost ANOTHER PART OF ME. Why did you have to BEAT IT so soon? Just another sign that stress is DANGEROUS. Someone needs to HEAL THE WORLD. WHO IS IT going to take to fill your shoes? You kept on saying LEAVE ME ALONE and we gave you hell, forgive us but that's HUMAN NATURE. R.I.P Michael you Rocked MY WORLD.
On the local scene Today's mbuzi is on me so if you can make it to Nyahururu Sports Club..See You there lolEnuff said TGIF...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Big Business e.g. EABL & Keroche
But let's start with the real rot in the society ergo the product of the current parliament !
Personally I don't consume alcohol after 20 years..
(personal preference)but I'm big on independence of business in Kenya in general. As Businessman I believe strongly in diversity for strength.
EABL has products like alvaro,malta-guiness which my family consume in volumes. Don't forget next to Safaricom, EABL remits a lot to the Exchequer. This is an industry we cannot overlook or underestimate..
Keroche on the other hand is an equal partner in the development of Kenyan owned business (s) also a contributor to the Exchequer.
My final point is the more the merrier..be blessed.
Personally I don't consume alcohol after 20 years..
(personal preference)but I'm big on independence of business in Kenya in general. As Businessman I believe strongly in diversity for strength.
EABL has products like alvaro,malta-guiness which my family consume in volumes. Don't forget next to Safaricom, EABL remits a lot to the Exchequer. This is an industry we cannot overlook or underestimate..
Keroche on the other hand is an equal partner in the development of Kenyan owned business (s) also a contributor to the Exchequer.
My final point is the more the merrier..be blessed.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Have A Great Friday & wknd....read on.
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexualRelations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. .
(Much worse than 'going blind!')
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.
Reason: under Guam Law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England but only in tropical fish stores.
(???)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
In Cali, Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(A kali law????)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~
In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was such a huge problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for these tests?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of?)
(Did our government pay for this research?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Butterflies taste with their feet
(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
And, the best for last?
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. .
(Much worse than 'going blind!')
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.
Reason: under Guam Law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England but only in tropical fish stores.
(???)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
In Cali, Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(A kali law????)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~
In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was such a huge problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for these tests?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of?)
(Did our government pay for this research?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Butterflies taste with their feet
(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*
And, the best for last?
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)
Friday, April 10, 2009
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